One of the first dreams I ever recall gave me a complex.
In my dream I was in this gorgeous, Tudor home. With polished oak floors, white, distressed furniture, suede camel-colored couches and silver accents. Minimalist skylights. Extremely fucking tasteful for a six-year-old.
Anyway. I’m coming out of the kitchen in this bubblegum pink dress with cartoonified portraits of Marylin Monroe. My shoes, pink platform ballet flats. As I walk into the foyer, a man who I now know as Isaac Mizrahi, walks in and gives me an approving once over. I approach him but as I do, I realize there’s some sort of pulley/lever system in the dress, which hikes the skirt up as I move closer towards him. Isaac continues to look pleased.
“What’s going on? Why is my dress doing this?” I plead.
Isaac says, “Oh, honey. That’s so when the boys get bored of you they at least have something to look at.”
At least I’m pretty confident I’ll age okay, right?

